Flying Over Fences

Why does it seem as though
I need intoxication
to feel like a real person?

Why can I not be whole and brave
without the high?

I can't seem to find the courage I need
when I'm sober because,
I hide behind
a smile, a laugh, and kisses good bye.

Just another way
my anxiety buys me more time.

Still,
I realize
I'm off on the wrong key.

I know I'm handsome and funny.
I've been granted a blessing.

Hazel eyes that keep missing,
The beautiful wings
I've been given to fly.

Fly
Fly
Fly
Fly

It plays over and over again in my mind

Fly
Fly
Fly
Fly

I can fly?

How long have I had wings?

One Night

Last night I dreamt of you.
You wrapped me up in strings made of orange juice.
A dream so bizarre it couldn't have any possible meaning.
But I suppose to me it did.
As you were measuring the angles of my broken ankle
with strings drenched in vitamin C,
I realized that you were healing me.

I've been broken for so long and you come along and, in a week's time, you don't fix me, but you open my wounds.
Its painful and it hurts.
Because now, the world is draining pus filled blisters I've been hiding under blankets of secrets and tattooed scars.
But infection was setting in,
And my soul was in eminent danger of festering.
In dire need of a good lancing and cleansing.

It was so easy when I felt nothing.
I didn't feel or know my loneliness.
I didn't ache,
I didn't cry,
I didn't truly laugh or feel joy either
But I didn't have to.
One night of holding you close,
Feeling your heart beat,
Feeling mine race
And my breath getting caught while the need to breath deeper and faster caught me off guard.
One night,
And I feel it all seeping in.
Everything I've been running from and hiding from.
Everything I swore I didn't want , didn't need and didn't care about.
But for some reason the world decided that I needed you.

Its hard to explain,
And I'm scared,
And I hate this part.
All the purging and stitching.
This itching and scratching as emotions start flowing through my veins again.
But the fate monster says its time,
And when he says its time,
There's no stopping it.
He knows what he wants.
And he gets and does what he wants.
So, he sent you.

You'll never know what you've done because I'll never tell you.
I'll never know how to repay you.
But once I make it through this,
After all the rehab,
The shaking,
The crying,
The screaming,
The dying over and over again on the floor
Maybe we can try again.

But now is not the time,
And maybe there never will be a right time.
If there never is, well then, that's OK.
Because One night,
With you asleep in my arms,
When I didn't want it to mean anything.
You gave me back everything.

Lets Try This Inside Out Thing

S.O.S.
Feelings gone
Steal my breath
Been too long.

M.I.A.
Can't find it now
Without a trace
Got lost somehow.

Acronyms searching
For abbreviated feelings
Buried deep in my core

I wonder why and where they went
And worry that its not normal when,

I don't understand
Your human ways

Sadness and joy
Anger and fear
Determination and love

I try them on just to see
What happens inside
But I don't stir
I won't wake
I thought it was time

For some strange reason
I laugh when I'm sad
Cry when I'm happy
Feel numb when I'm mad

I can't comprehend
And so I'll pretend

Though I hope that one day,
I'll get it again

where you are

So many societal strings,
tying me down,
keeping you from me.

I'd love nothing more,
than to be where you are.

To help you with the garden,
build chicken coops,
install your new floor.

How I'd love to meet Bodhi,
we'd make messes together,
but laugh and have fun while we do.

And I'll make it all up,
because at the end of the day,
I'll romance you at sunset,
and take you away.

With smooth rhythm we'll dance,
and I'll spin you around.
Get lost in your eyes,
never look down.

Your hair flowing softly,
in the warm summer breeze.
I'll kiss you so gently,
so passionately.

I'd love nothing more,
than to be where you are.

To see you,
to kiss you,
to hold you in my arms.

Sister George

I want to say thank you,
to the ceiling,
to the air.

You've blessed me with so many blessings,
and I've conquered so many fears.

I know that's kind of cryptic.
and if Sister George would lend an ear,

would she stop by to deliver a scolding,
or would her intentions be so pure,

as to pardon my intrusion,
in a world that's solely hers,

and could she see my heart for what it is,
and take away my hurt?

I'm not sure what I am,
or where I am,
or who I've been,

I'm not so sure of what I stand for,
and I'm at the mercy of the earth.

We've not met before,
but I hear your just down stairs.

I'm no afraid of you,
and I hope you're not afraid of dares.

I dare you to find me,
make me believe that magic's there.

And if it is,
with all my might,

your finger trailing down my spine's
made me a believer tonight.

resounding

I've awoken to play you a song in my sleep.

Jagged and fluid,
the melody keeps,

memories and lyrics
and fanciful dreams.

I'll play you a ditty that reminds you of me.

The rhythm is perfect,
and timing is key,
my mind is pure madness
still peaceful, it dreams.

Not of colors or stories,
no images seen,
only shadows and tidbits
of pieces of me.

Mysteries and Monsters Revisited

Is the threat that real?
Lady Mary Ellen makes an appeal.
For she had invested in,
the heart of a man drenched in sin.

His selfish gain he sought,
and so he lied.
Because her money was,
where his heart was tied.

And then one day,
she found his box of charades.
So she served him up,
papers to break their chains.

Now her castle lies,
in the hands of her kin.
And nothing more was heard,
from the man of sin.