When I was a kid, my brother and I used to go looking for arrowheads in the field behind my grandpa's house. It was spring, and we were itching to get out there and see what the winter and spring rains had pulled up. But the fields were still muddy and the area used to be a bog so pockets of quicksand were still an issue during wet springs.
Our mother told us on the drive to grandpa's house, that we were not to go into the fields and ruin our new shoes. So, we looked at the edge of the field for a while but didn't see anything interesting.
Then my brother yells out that he thinks he sees an arrowhead! So, he steps out into the field to get a closer look. Two steps in, he says he can't move his feet. He was stuck in the mud and getting deeper. I reached a hand out for him to grab and tried pulling him back toward the grass. But I couldn't pull hard enough. My hand slipped, and I fell into the mud. I was up to my wrist in mud that seemed as if it was doing everything it could to suck me in deeper. I managed to free my arm, but my feet took its place. I could reach my brother easily now being closer. I pulled and pulled and as my brother's feet popped out, I threw him onto the grass.
He tried to reach me to pull me out but couldn't reach far enough without stepping back into the field. I told him to run to get Mom and Grandpa. He was worried that Mom would be mad about our now, less-than-brand-new shoes. Still he ran as fast as his mud-cakes shoes would allow. I watched him disappear as he ran toward the house. About ten minutes later, my grandpa showed up with a rope and was able to pull me out. My brand new shoes were sacrificed in exchange for my freedom.
Later, after the fields dried and the farmer tilled it up, my grandpa retrieved my, now, very dirty and worn pair of shoes. I washed them up with the hose outside behind the house. Inside of the left shoe, I found the tip of an arrowhead.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
hauntings
a tiny candle flickers
perpetually waiting to ignight.
I know that you've since passed on
but still my heart denies
that you've found another life
and it's time to say goodbye.
simple words now on a screen
photos proof we used to be
and ghosts of happy memories
haunt me in my dreams.
I swear I loved you once
and I swear it still remains
so now I'm writing senseless stories
about lovers only in my mind.
trying to distract myself
because I'm still broken deep inside.
I swear it seems like yesterday
no formal last goodbyes.
painful daggers thrown at hearts
in anger and in pain.
wounds inflicted by wicked words
scars and broken hearts
love will never be the same.
my aching bones tell me
that waking time is near.
my vacation's coming to a close
as I start another year.
a jar of broken hearts
I've not lost a single one.
maybe one day down the road
I'll mend them all as one.
two souls so seemingly meant to be
yet now I'm here and now you're gone
every ounce of sanity demands that I let go
but my heart's still holding on to a tiny shred of hope
but I think I can
and with all my might
I swear that I'll try
yes I'll try
I'll try, to say goodbye.
perpetually waiting to ignight.
I know that you've since passed on
but still my heart denies
that you've found another life
and it's time to say goodbye.
simple words now on a screen
photos proof we used to be
and ghosts of happy memories
haunt me in my dreams.
I swear I loved you once
and I swear it still remains
so now I'm writing senseless stories
about lovers only in my mind.
trying to distract myself
because I'm still broken deep inside.
I swear it seems like yesterday
no formal last goodbyes.
painful daggers thrown at hearts
in anger and in pain.
wounds inflicted by wicked words
scars and broken hearts
love will never be the same.
my aching bones tell me
that waking time is near.
my vacation's coming to a close
as I start another year.
a jar of broken hearts
I've not lost a single one.
maybe one day down the road
I'll mend them all as one.
two souls so seemingly meant to be
yet now I'm here and now you're gone
every ounce of sanity demands that I let go
but my heart's still holding on to a tiny shred of hope
but I think I can
and with all my might
I swear that I'll try
yes I'll try
I'll try, to say goodbye.
Dear Santa, Dear Fate Monster, Dear Whom it May Concern,
Dear Santa, Dear Fate Monster, Dear Whom it May Concern,
I'm writing not to ask, but rather to say thanks. I never really make a list because I know my family doesn't have a lot to give by way of presents or money or gifts. Love has always been readily given, and that's all I really need.
I'd like to think I didn't ask for anything this year, but we both secretly know I wanted them. I got to spend Thanksgiving with my father and the tail end of Christmas with him and his wife. My mother and my brother were here the week before. The chance to hug them all was the best gift you could have given me. So I'm writing this letter to say thank you for every blessing you delivered throughout the year. And one day, when I'm needed most, I hope I can return your generosity, and bless someone with just my presence and my arms. The smile on my mother's face and the tears of joy in her eyes were worth more than a hundred presents under the tree. And my father's proud smile when he saw me in my shirt and tie just after work was sweeter than any pie he could ever made. My brother's excitement to share his art with someone who appreciates his creativity, was worth more than seeing who had the biggest present.
I'm happy. This year you've delivered more than my fair share of blessings. It's been a long tough year, but I've survived tougher and harder. Still, there were times when I didn't know if I'd make it through. I've carried a broken heart for a while, and it still aches, but its starting to heal. You guided me to a simple but beautiful home for me and my two beautiful girls. At times there were days, that I'd not had anything to eat, and my glorious pride ensured that I'd never ask for help. Yet, somehow, as if they knew, an angel would share a meal with me. Through left over mashed potatoes and cups of cool soup, I've learned to appreciate all of the amazing people you've sent my way. In different ways, they became a part of my essence and my soul. Most of all, they helped keep my hope alive. A small flame perpetually flickering in the dark, they helped me tend to my fire, keeping my hope and passion alive.
My greatest blessing this year, was the realization that I'm most proud of my passion. For so long, I tried to hide it, because it was strange and misunderstood by others around me. But it's something that I'm proud, rather than ashamed of now. It's a gift that others may not understand, but a gift that I'll no longer hide from the world. Rather, I'd like it to be shared.
Thank you for the miracles and all of the beautiful people you have guided me to this year. And especially, thank you for this last grand finale with my family. I could not have asked for more. I got all I wanted for Christmas resting in my heart.
Sincerely,
Luke Disher 2014
I'm writing not to ask, but rather to say thanks. I never really make a list because I know my family doesn't have a lot to give by way of presents or money or gifts. Love has always been readily given, and that's all I really need.
I'd like to think I didn't ask for anything this year, but we both secretly know I wanted them. I got to spend Thanksgiving with my father and the tail end of Christmas with him and his wife. My mother and my brother were here the week before. The chance to hug them all was the best gift you could have given me. So I'm writing this letter to say thank you for every blessing you delivered throughout the year. And one day, when I'm needed most, I hope I can return your generosity, and bless someone with just my presence and my arms. The smile on my mother's face and the tears of joy in her eyes were worth more than a hundred presents under the tree. And my father's proud smile when he saw me in my shirt and tie just after work was sweeter than any pie he could ever made. My brother's excitement to share his art with someone who appreciates his creativity, was worth more than seeing who had the biggest present.
I'm happy. This year you've delivered more than my fair share of blessings. It's been a long tough year, but I've survived tougher and harder. Still, there were times when I didn't know if I'd make it through. I've carried a broken heart for a while, and it still aches, but its starting to heal. You guided me to a simple but beautiful home for me and my two beautiful girls. At times there were days, that I'd not had anything to eat, and my glorious pride ensured that I'd never ask for help. Yet, somehow, as if they knew, an angel would share a meal with me. Through left over mashed potatoes and cups of cool soup, I've learned to appreciate all of the amazing people you've sent my way. In different ways, they became a part of my essence and my soul. Most of all, they helped keep my hope alive. A small flame perpetually flickering in the dark, they helped me tend to my fire, keeping my hope and passion alive.
My greatest blessing this year, was the realization that I'm most proud of my passion. For so long, I tried to hide it, because it was strange and misunderstood by others around me. But it's something that I'm proud, rather than ashamed of now. It's a gift that others may not understand, but a gift that I'll no longer hide from the world. Rather, I'd like it to be shared.
Thank you for the miracles and all of the beautiful people you have guided me to this year. And especially, thank you for this last grand finale with my family. I could not have asked for more. I got all I wanted for Christmas resting in my heart.
Sincerely,
Luke Disher 2014
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Awks. Aux. Ox.
Mid Nov, 2014
I have a story for you dear reader. Musings through a small portion of a young man's mind.
The job I had was in a back office at a resort. Someone had called and asked me to relay something too the front desk manager. So, I went to find the manager at the desk just down the hall.
Alexis, my boss, was on her way back to our office from the front.
Now,
this was a small hallway. Maybe only 5 feet across. Probably closer to 4.
She sees me, and she stops almost directly across from me on the other side of the hall.
She askes if I need help with something.
I figured, I can tell Alexis and she can tell the manager. So, I start to tell her.
And I do this thing when I'm trying to remember something where I look down.
I was trying really hard to remember what I needed to tell the front desk manager because it was really important, so I looked down and Holy SHIT!
boobs....
She totally noticed,
I realized this and made it so much worse.
My immediate reaction to realizing I had just unintentionally, yet very obviously, looked directly at my bosses boobs was "Close your eyes!"
So I did.
And I didn't just close my eyes for a second or two. No, I stayed like that, with my eyes closed, for a good 15 seconds.
I still have no idea what it was that I needed to tell the front desk manager...
I have a story for you dear reader. Musings through a small portion of a young man's mind.
The job I had was in a back office at a resort. Someone had called and asked me to relay something too the front desk manager. So, I went to find the manager at the desk just down the hall.
Alexis, my boss, was on her way back to our office from the front.
Now,
this was a small hallway. Maybe only 5 feet across. Probably closer to 4.
She sees me, and she stops almost directly across from me on the other side of the hall.
She askes if I need help with something.
I figured, I can tell Alexis and she can tell the manager. So, I start to tell her.
And I do this thing when I'm trying to remember something where I look down.
I was trying really hard to remember what I needed to tell the front desk manager because it was really important, so I looked down and Holy SHIT!
boobs....
She totally noticed,
I realized this and made it so much worse.
My immediate reaction to realizing I had just unintentionally, yet very obviously, looked directly at my bosses boobs was "Close your eyes!"
So I did.
And I didn't just close my eyes for a second or two. No, I stayed like that, with my eyes closed, for a good 15 seconds.
I still have no idea what it was that I needed to tell the front desk manager...
define this
they asked me about religion
cut collisions are all that's on my mind
can you
keep me from myself
'cause i've got nobody else to be me
can't you see
that we're all fighting a war
that started before
our mothers and our fathers were born
can we inherit nothing more than their tears
all their fears
lurking in the footsteps we leave
so we bleed
black, blue, red, white, and grey
we've let colors become definitions
inhibitions tying us to the floor
cut collisions are all that's on my mind
can you
keep me from myself
'cause i've got nobody else to be me
can't you see
that we're all fighting a war
that started before
our mothers and our fathers were born
can we inherit nothing more than their tears
all their fears
lurking in the footsteps we leave
so we bleed
black, blue, red, white, and grey
we've let colors become definitions
inhibitions tying us to the floor
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Hearing Your Walls Fill Up with Water Is a Curious Thing
A pipe burst in my wall last night.
I laid in bed and listened as my walls filled up with water.
It was phenominal. Like I had my very own aquarium surrounding me, and the sound of freely flowing water eventually lulled me to sleep.
I could hear it tumbling gently up from the wall onto my ceiling and listened as it dripped down the side wall, slowly picking up speed until it was a soft gentle water fall on either side of my bed. I was entirely encased by walls of water at one point.
Still, not a single drip.
I laid in bed and listened as my walls filled up with water.
It was phenominal. Like I had my very own aquarium surrounding me, and the sound of freely flowing water eventually lulled me to sleep.
I could hear it tumbling gently up from the wall onto my ceiling and listened as it dripped down the side wall, slowly picking up speed until it was a soft gentle water fall on either side of my bed. I was entirely encased by walls of water at one point.
Still, not a single drip.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
I'll help you train them.
The mortal souls that are left when our way of life is forever gone.
No one to guide them,
How will they survive this changing of the tides if they lack faith in themselves.
How helpless the rest will feel,
And give up becuse they think the fires over.
How beautiful.
Will they still love you despite your fading soul?
Be sure they will.
I'm sure they will.
I'll make sure they will.
The mortal souls that are left when our way of life is forever gone.
No one to guide them,
How will they survive this changing of the tides if they lack faith in themselves.
How helpless the rest will feel,
And give up becuse they think the fires over.
How beautiful.
Will they still love you despite your fading soul?
Be sure they will.
I'm sure they will.
I'll make sure they will.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
wake up
Spider webs are in my closet,
and my heart's suspended by their strings.
Oh my God,
I'm such a mess.
Just breath slow.
I see the body of a woman encased in glass.
She visits me in my dreams.
Now she's breathing down my neck.
And my shadow's gone rogue,
cause she's leading me on,
and my other half knows better.
I'm left counting stop signs for miles.
And every step reminds me how,
It's time to spread my wings and relearn how to fly.
Its time.
I've been hibernating too long.
God have mercy on my soul,
It isn't cured.
and my heart's suspended by their strings.
Oh my God,
I'm such a mess.
Just breath slow.
I see the body of a woman encased in glass.
She visits me in my dreams.
Now she's breathing down my neck.
And my shadow's gone rogue,
cause she's leading me on,
and my other half knows better.
I'm left counting stop signs for miles.
And every step reminds me how,
It's time to spread my wings and relearn how to fly.
Its time.
I've been hibernating too long.
God have mercy on my soul,
It isn't cured.
Jada
walk with your hands on your feet
and its keeping you down
open your eyes
it's okay to dream like a child
dare to be brave
kiss the world with your smile
sift through your core
you'll find diamonds inside
laugh as the sands slid backwards in rhymes
slide through the glass
building mountains in time
Jada it's time
she's got blood on her hands
and her head in the sky
she's reaching for chance
as she pierces her mind
begging for truth,
she hears the Earth growing old
it's humming a beat
says to do as she's told
restless
her bones
they stir in her sleep
yet the Reaper denies her the peace of the deep
tattered
the strings of her heart skip a beat
skip a beat
dissolving her chains
and she sets herself free
as our stories unfold
we find the world makes us blind
cards in our hands
hide the fear in our eyes
paying our tolls
defending our lives
seeing our lights
as we learn we can fly
and its keeping you down
open your eyes
it's okay to dream like a child
dare to be brave
kiss the world with your smile
sift through your core
you'll find diamonds inside
laugh as the sands slid backwards in rhymes
slide through the glass
building mountains in time
Jada it's time
she's got blood on her hands
and her head in the sky
she's reaching for chance
as she pierces her mind
begging for truth,
she hears the Earth growing old
it's humming a beat
says to do as she's told
restless
her bones
they stir in her sleep
yet the Reaper denies her the peace of the deep
tattered
the strings of her heart skip a beat
skip a beat
dissolving her chains
and she sets herself free
as our stories unfold
we find the world makes us blind
cards in our hands
hide the fear in our eyes
paying our tolls
defending our lives
seeing our lights
as we learn we can fly
marching on
peace be made in the hearts of men
in the name of God
we've committed sins
may the words on this page
see that blood shed will end
as the wars we must fight
are the ones we feel within
all this talk of corruption
all this news of despair
another mother's weeping
as she says another prayer
her son
he is fighting
in a war that isn't theirs
now his eyes
they lie open
in a never ending stare
I'll be sending shooting stars
what right do we have
to tell a man that he can't feel
love for another man
a love we long to feel
we say it's wrong
it ain't right
because we don't understand
yet, the anger, rage and pain we cause
are very real to him
I'll be sending shooting stars
why must we be divided
in a world that we must share
ashamed of the way she looks
she carves her flesh when no ones there
her peers
they scorn her with their words
now
it's more than she can bare
with a knife
she takes her life
because she thought that no one cared
I'll be sending shooting stars
the time for revolution
is dancing in our futures
and the wisdom of our youth
is calling out for retribution
so with these words I will fight
for all the voices that have been stolen
and when their wishes have been spoken
may these stars heal all the hurting hearts
this world has broken
I'll be sending shooting stars
in the name of God
we've committed sins
may the words on this page
see that blood shed will end
as the wars we must fight
are the ones we feel within
all this talk of corruption
all this news of despair
another mother's weeping
as she says another prayer
her son
he is fighting
in a war that isn't theirs
now his eyes
they lie open
in a never ending stare
I'll be sending shooting stars
what right do we have
to tell a man that he can't feel
love for another man
a love we long to feel
we say it's wrong
it ain't right
because we don't understand
yet, the anger, rage and pain we cause
are very real to him
I'll be sending shooting stars
why must we be divided
in a world that we must share
ashamed of the way she looks
she carves her flesh when no ones there
her peers
they scorn her with their words
now
it's more than she can bare
with a knife
she takes her life
because she thought that no one cared
I'll be sending shooting stars
the time for revolution
is dancing in our futures
and the wisdom of our youth
is calling out for retribution
so with these words I will fight
for all the voices that have been stolen
and when their wishes have been spoken
may these stars heal all the hurting hearts
this world has broken
I'll be sending shooting stars
Dear Reader: Meet Bob
I have this friend. His name is Bob. Literally.
He lives downstairs cattycorner to me.
I dont know how old he is,
At least in his 60s.
But he's interesting.
What I know about him is:
-he just moved into the complex a couple months ago,
-he lost his cell phone
(which he asked me to help find: My first encounter with Bob)
-so, now he has an iPhone
--that neither of us know how to work.
-he sleeps on a military cot,
-his estranged wife/ex-wife, Wanda, made him get his own place,
--because he's an alcoholic,
--and Wanda "can't handle his drinking anymore"
-and he "really loves gin",
--but he's "getting pretty good at sticking only to beer"
-he loves animals,
-he loved his dog,
--which has since been adopted :(
-sometimes he gets dizzy when he stands up too fast,
-he broke his glasses somehow so he taped them together until he "gets the new ones in the mail."
-he wants to volunteer and went through some sort of training for the humane society,
(He's very proud of this)
-he can't drive for some reason
-his father was a tailor
-he was once a tailer for his father and worked in the clothing industry most of his life,
-he "plays the monopoly CD" on the compiter
--he has internet but "don't know what to do with it"
-he's "not in good health" (I did not inquire as to why)
and,
-he's one of the most interesting people I have ever met.
The atmosphere around Bob is thick and heavy somehow,
You get this overwhelming sense of heavy reality weighing down on his frail little frame.
Yet, he has such a tremendously good heart.
There's so much potential in Bob.
and I feel it every time I say hi to him.
I'm dazzled by it.
Or maybe I'm crazy,
and,
if I am,
so be it.
His biggest challenge has been finding something to do with his time.
He gets bored,
and he's lonely,
so he drinks and everything else spirals.
He's expressed multiple times how "he wishes he could do something,"
a job,
or volunteer.
But he can't get there because he can't drive.
and so he has just his apartment and we're back to bordom and monopoly and a six pack.
I get it Bob.
Everyone needs something more.
Some people chose work
some school,
some family,
some friends,
some lovers.
We all secretly want more.
and when life seems to be working against us we need "more" even more so,
and even more,
when we're told we're facing the last few years of our lives.
I know when time catches up with me,
the last thing I want to slap me in the face,
is the realization that,
I still have so much to offer the world,
but there's no way to do so.
I refuse to accept that
and I refuse to let Bob accept that.
I decided I'm adopting him.
He loves animals.
I'm going to find a way for Bob to get to his animals.
And maybe that one day
will be one less day without his beers.
Because he wasn't bored,
and he wasn't "in a state of flux."
Because he had a purpose greater than his own.
Because he helped another living being today.
I wish there were more programs that assisted people with volunteering.
More specifically those with limited transportation.
I pay enough in taxes.
How do I get a few of those dollar bills to go to Bob and others willing to make positive contributions to our communities and their own lives?
Dear reader,
Meet Bob
He lives downstairs cattycorner to me.
I dont know how old he is,
At least in his 60s.
But he's interesting.
What I know about him is:
-he just moved into the complex a couple months ago,
-he lost his cell phone
(which he asked me to help find: My first encounter with Bob)
-so, now he has an iPhone
--that neither of us know how to work.
-he sleeps on a military cot,
-his estranged wife/ex-wife, Wanda, made him get his own place,
--because he's an alcoholic,
--and Wanda "can't handle his drinking anymore"
-and he "really loves gin",
--but he's "getting pretty good at sticking only to beer"
-he loves animals,
-he loved his dog,
--which has since been adopted :(
-sometimes he gets dizzy when he stands up too fast,
-he broke his glasses somehow so he taped them together until he "gets the new ones in the mail."
-he wants to volunteer and went through some sort of training for the humane society,
(He's very proud of this)
-he can't drive for some reason
-his father was a tailor
-he was once a tailer for his father and worked in the clothing industry most of his life,
-he "plays the monopoly CD" on the compiter
--he has internet but "don't know what to do with it"
-he's "not in good health" (I did not inquire as to why)
and,
-he's one of the most interesting people I have ever met.
The atmosphere around Bob is thick and heavy somehow,
You get this overwhelming sense of heavy reality weighing down on his frail little frame.
Yet, he has such a tremendously good heart.
There's so much potential in Bob.
and I feel it every time I say hi to him.
I'm dazzled by it.
Or maybe I'm crazy,
and,
if I am,
so be it.
His biggest challenge has been finding something to do with his time.
He gets bored,
and he's lonely,
so he drinks and everything else spirals.
He's expressed multiple times how "he wishes he could do something,"
a job,
or volunteer.
But he can't get there because he can't drive.
and so he has just his apartment and we're back to bordom and monopoly and a six pack.
I get it Bob.
Everyone needs something more.
Some people chose work
some school,
some family,
some friends,
some lovers.
We all secretly want more.
and when life seems to be working against us we need "more" even more so,
and even more,
when we're told we're facing the last few years of our lives.
I know when time catches up with me,
the last thing I want to slap me in the face,
is the realization that,
I still have so much to offer the world,
but there's no way to do so.
I refuse to accept that
and I refuse to let Bob accept that.
I decided I'm adopting him.
He loves animals.
I'm going to find a way for Bob to get to his animals.
And maybe that one day
will be one less day without his beers.
Because he wasn't bored,
and he wasn't "in a state of flux."
Because he had a purpose greater than his own.
Because he helped another living being today.
I wish there were more programs that assisted people with volunteering.
More specifically those with limited transportation.
I pay enough in taxes.
How do I get a few of those dollar bills to go to Bob and others willing to make positive contributions to our communities and their own lives?
Dear reader,
Meet Bob
Thursday, November 13, 2014
71 Horton
It's been over a year now,
and I finally take break,
and realize I've some how,
made it to the closing,
of a year gone by.
Why haven't I,
Realized the fog has cleared, now.
How long
How long,
have I been dreamin?
Misty moments lost in fear,
How long have I been down?
I feel like the Earth's been spinning round and round this empty shell.
An imposter in my mirror.
I'm finally here now!
How long
How long,
Tell me guarding angel,
How long have I been down?
Just a second,
Just a moment,
How long have I been gone?
and I finally take break,
and realize I've some how,
made it to the closing,
of a year gone by.
Why haven't I,
Realized the fog has cleared, now.
How long
How long,
have I been dreamin?
Misty moments lost in fear,
How long have I been down?
I feel like the Earth's been spinning round and round this empty shell.
An imposter in my mirror.
I'm finally here now!
How long
How long,
Tell me guarding angel,
How long have I been down?
Just a second,
Just a moment,
How long have I been gone?
Monday, November 10, 2014
Boxing
I'm a simple man.
But there's so simple plan,
on how this life should be.
Should it conquer me,
The mosnter wont let me see
How my life should have been.
I'm waiting for answers that won't be found.
Simple man's translation
Only perpetual confusion.
I hope its amusing,
Because you've never been more illusive.
And as I'm laying down
Bed posts creak,
missing your weight upon its knees
Still moving on,
And going strong.
Despite how you've been so confusing.
Is there a spark,
Waiting to ignight.
resist the urge,
Resist the fight.
I swear I won't let you win tonight.
But there's so simple plan,
on how this life should be.
Should it conquer me,
The mosnter wont let me see
How my life should have been.
I'm waiting for answers that won't be found.
Simple man's translation
Only perpetual confusion.
I hope its amusing,
Because you've never been more illusive.
And as I'm laying down
Bed posts creak,
missing your weight upon its knees
Still moving on,
And going strong.
Despite how you've been so confusing.
Is there a spark,
Waiting to ignight.
resist the urge,
Resist the fight.
I swear I won't let you win tonight.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Ink
I can't be this breaking,
paper sculpture anymore.
Pages wilting on the edge
and nothing more.
Yet, this passage claims
that everything
will soon be right.
So,
I'm kneeling down,
to pray to gods
oh so quietly
and polite.
Left begging silently,
as drugs steal serotonin
from our minds.
Prophocies becoming scapegoats
and proof the gods are on our side.
Though maybe only for today,
love temps me with forever.
And
My inards scream
with ticks of clocks,
fists knocking on my mind.
Still, I hope this midnight ballad,
finds your heart still melting,
not-yet-dried-up deep inside.
Completely breaking
out of time
with stories perpetually half written
and tales lost in sensless rhymes.
I'm sending out this letter on
the wings of owls tonight,
with fantacies that they're making passage
through your ever wandering mind.
paper sculpture anymore.
Pages wilting on the edge
and nothing more.
Yet, this passage claims
that everything
will soon be right.
So,
I'm kneeling down,
to pray to gods
oh so quietly
and polite.
Left begging silently,
as drugs steal serotonin
from our minds.
Prophocies becoming scapegoats
and proof the gods are on our side.
Though maybe only for today,
love temps me with forever.
And
My inards scream
with ticks of clocks,
fists knocking on my mind.
Still, I hope this midnight ballad,
finds your heart still melting,
not-yet-dried-up deep inside.
Completely breaking
out of time
with stories perpetually half written
and tales lost in sensless rhymes.
I'm sending out this letter on
the wings of owls tonight,
with fantacies that they're making passage
through your ever wandering mind.
This is Water
The drains of clouds in heaven,
Somehow bring this back to life,
I'll try to make this my last
Tip tap, tap, tap, tap,
This is my last goodbye.
Borrowed words and paragraphs,
made of other people's pain.
Ive gone and loved another
Such placebic love drives one, one insane.
But I believe that in a time,
not so distane of this life,
When I'm no longer human,
My beauty will pass down,
All the me in you,
Dies in these promises she'd held.
We've been falling all this time.
And god I feel so lost beside,
Mirrors in the blackness,
No reflection,
No reaction with no light.
We wake,
And its still midnight.
Its still quiet.
Give me a smile in the dark,
because I'm just as scared of you.
Still all I feel is your grasp,
We've been falling all this time,
I miss our paradise.
Somehow bring this back to life,
I'll try to make this my last
Tip tap, tap, tap, tap,
This is my last goodbye.
Borrowed words and paragraphs,
made of other people's pain.
Ive gone and loved another
Such placebic love drives one, one insane.
But I believe that in a time,
not so distane of this life,
When I'm no longer human,
My beauty will pass down,
All the me in you,
Dies in these promises she'd held.
We've been falling all this time.
And god I feel so lost beside,
Mirrors in the blackness,
No reflection,
No reaction with no light.
We wake,
And its still midnight.
Its still quiet.
Give me a smile in the dark,
because I'm just as scared of you.
Still all I feel is your grasp,
We've been falling all this time,
I miss our paradise.
Words of Borrowed Vices
I'm left borrowing these words,
From all my favorite stencils
made of praise and prose.
No light around us,
As rain tiptaps on my open window.
Can we face the night together.
If you go,
Then so will I.
From all my favorite stencils
made of praise and prose.
No light around us,
As rain tiptaps on my open window.
Can we face the night together.
If you go,
Then so will I.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Alliteration Vomit
All ships and shapes and shiftings.
Dreams of demons and dimensions.
Madness marching us toward martyrdom,
In lives leaving lies upon our lips.
Patience has a price to pay
So ante up another afternoon.
Great secrets guide us to the grave,
While fires fuel our fight to stay.
Dreams of demons and dimensions.
Madness marching us toward martyrdom,
In lives leaving lies upon our lips.
Patience has a price to pay
So ante up another afternoon.
Great secrets guide us to the grave,
While fires fuel our fight to stay.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
A Lust to Remember
Lust trickles its way into my veins again,
polluting my emotions,
and clouding my mind.
Like a fog drifting over my whole being,
it's caressing me so temptingly.
You do this to me.
It's like your pulling me in.
My lips need your touch,
You're intoxicating.
and I'm left craving you.
Still,
the masochist inside of me,
begs for you to come nearer.
And when you're close,
It takes all the willpower I have left,
to pretend that I'm unaffected by your gravity.
I dare not look you in the eye,
so you won't see the lust in mine.
God forbid,
should I look at your lips.
least I lose all control.
I'm aching to run my fingers through your hair,
and pull you into me,
to feel your body moving in perfect rhythem with my own.
My obsessive mind,
keeps replaying hypothetical situations
that endlessly tempt my willpower.
I want so badly to take you into my arms,
and finally steal the breath from your lips.
A long awaited kiss,
fueled by a passion so strong,
I can't much longer control.
So deep and delicious.
How I long to feel your lips.
And I long to feel your body against mine,
hear you gasp in my ear,
as I place small, slow kisses
along the inside of your neck.
God, you smell so good,
my hands long to touch you in unspeakable places.
Make you gasp and moan,
building anticipation.
An attraction just as unexpected as it is inconvenient,
Do you know how you've affected me?
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Dreaming DuBai
We bought a car in DuBai.
A nice one,
with satellite radio
so we could tune into weather updates.
We weren't really weather update people,
But in DuBai we were.
We drove around and around,
Like we owned the whole damn place.
We did it because we could.
Because we were invincible.
We were in love.
In deep lust with champagne and long nights.
Clouds of money,
Clouds of smoke,
Clouds of sex.
DuBai
A nice one,
with satellite radio
so we could tune into weather updates.
We weren't really weather update people,
But in DuBai we were.
We drove around and around,
Like we owned the whole damn place.
We did it because we could.
Because we were invincible.
We were in love.
In deep lust with champagne and long nights.
Clouds of money,
Clouds of smoke,
Clouds of sex.
DuBai
Sunday, October 26, 2014
a silent prayer in the night
Ashes fall like snow flakes.
Burning and melting inside.
I'm routing back to Maryland.
Somehow it's scorching me inside.
Adversity meets,
My limited means.
Guide me toward kindness,
Guide me toward time.
The moon's on its way,
To its waining tonight.
Logs burning slow,
Hide the ashes left behind.
I'm holding on to you,
My fire inside.
The dusk settles in,
Threatening to consume me in time.
I swear I won't give up,
I'm fighting for 3 lives.
I refuse to break this promise,
The few that I've made in this life.
Two lives dependent on mine,
And the man I am inside.
A strong will,
A strong heart.
I swear I won't let go.
Please guide me toward kindness,
Please guide me toward time.
Burning and melting inside.
I'm routing back to Maryland.
Somehow it's scorching me inside.
Adversity meets,
My limited means.
Guide me toward kindness,
Guide me toward time.
The moon's on its way,
To its waining tonight.
Logs burning slow,
Hide the ashes left behind.
I'm holding on to you,
My fire inside.
The dusk settles in,
Threatening to consume me in time.
I swear I won't give up,
I'm fighting for 3 lives.
I refuse to break this promise,
The few that I've made in this life.
Two lives dependent on mine,
And the man I am inside.
A strong will,
A strong heart.
I swear I won't let go.
Please guide me toward kindness,
Please guide me toward time.
When Gila Becomes a Monster
Gila didn't know he was a Monster.
So quiet, slow ... silent.
The sun,
Oh the sun
So warm and pleasing.
He loved the sun.
"And no one can take my sun!"
"I dare someone to take my sun,
Not my sun,
It's my sun,
It's mine!"
And that was all he knew.
The water quenched him.
And the air energized him.
And the smaller lizards helped keep the madness away.
His sun kept him happy.
So dependable.
So bright.
So warm and tingly inside.
He loved the sun.
---
When another gila came along,
He had no idea what to do.
So lazy and sleepy,
He opened his eyes.
In the distance the sun was on its way.
His excitement to know,
That the night was now over,
To help hide his secrets away.
Now an intruder!
Come to soak up his sun,
All puffy and mad as can be!
Gila grew twice his size,
With a low hiss, a stampede
"No one steals my precious sun from me!"
So quiet, slow ... silent.
The sun,
Oh the sun
So warm and pleasing.
He loved the sun.
"And no one can take my sun!"
"I dare someone to take my sun,
Not my sun,
It's my sun,
It's mine!"
And that was all he knew.
The water quenched him.
And the air energized him.
And the smaller lizards helped keep the madness away.
His sun kept him happy.
So dependable.
So bright.
So warm and tingly inside.
He loved the sun.
---
When another gila came along,
He had no idea what to do.
So lazy and sleepy,
He opened his eyes.
In the distance the sun was on its way.
His excitement to know,
That the night was now over,
To help hide his secrets away.
Now an intruder!
Come to soak up his sun,
All puffy and mad as can be!
Gila grew twice his size,
With a low hiss, a stampede
"No one steals my precious sun from me!"
Friday, October 24, 2014
15th and Maryland
When you're getting lost in your words.
When you're getting lost in your way.
May you find this bootlegged tongue,
And may it whisk you away.
To lands filled with hopes and dreams,
Like nothing you've ever seen.
May it steal your heart tonight,
Because there's no one else to save us
from this enchanted life.
Never changing day to day.
Existence based on promised words.
Rather than actions gone astray.
I'm leaving my heart open.
I'm calling out your name.
Because I'm missing you tonight,
And these scars won't fade away.
I want you,
How much clearer can I be?
I want you,
Quick!
karma's gaining down on me.
Where are you?
15th and Maryland,
Just by the old oak tree,
Collecting acorns,
Wait for me.
When you're getting lost in your way.
May you find this bootlegged tongue,
And may it whisk you away.
To lands filled with hopes and dreams,
Like nothing you've ever seen.
May it steal your heart tonight,
Because there's no one else to save us
from this enchanted life.
Never changing day to day.
Existence based on promised words.
Rather than actions gone astray.
I'm leaving my heart open.
I'm calling out your name.
Because I'm missing you tonight,
And these scars won't fade away.
I want you,
How much clearer can I be?
I want you,
Quick!
karma's gaining down on me.
Where are you?
15th and Maryland,
Just by the old oak tree,
Collecting acorns,
Wait for me.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Tell Me a Story
Tell me a story.
Vivid and bright.
Something to scare me,
To tempt me tonight.
May vivid dream phantoms
Scatter below.
Anything goes.
Vivid and bright.
Something to scare me,
To tempt me tonight.
May vivid dream phantoms
Scatter below.
Anything goes.
Diary of An Undercover Alien 1
10/23/14 12:06am
This.
What is this.
Tah-blet.
This is the thing from tv.
They talked about this.
On the news,
and in a series of small film snippets
with upbeat music in the background.
At the end...
...(blank background,
Usually accompanied by a "logo" if some sort.
>research this "logo"<
Good God this place is weird.
Back to tah-blets.
Portable computational device that is essentially half of a lap top
(See definition of laptop)
Their "screens" are exceptionally sensitive.
They make a sound each time I type my words.
It's like a Childers toy.
It's a key mile stone to the development of their species.
They say they are "bright"
when they are "enlightened"
How appropriate,
The irony of this perspective.
They don't know how "bright" they will become.
This.
What is this.
Tah-blet.
This is the thing from tv.
They talked about this.
On the news,
and in a series of small film snippets
with upbeat music in the background.
At the end...
...(blank background,
Usually accompanied by a "logo" if some sort.
>research this "logo"<
Good God this place is weird.
Back to tah-blets.
Portable computational device that is essentially half of a lap top
(See definition of laptop)
Their "screens" are exceptionally sensitive.
They make a sound each time I type my words.
It's like a Childers toy.
It's a key mile stone to the development of their species.
They say they are "bright"
when they are "enlightened"
How appropriate,
The irony of this perspective.
They don't know how "bright" they will become.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Promises
Waiting on a shooting star,
So I can make a wish or two,
Still I'm not so sure what I'm wishing for.
But the heavens deliver a few,
I miss the sun on your skin,
And that black dress you were in,
But life goes on and on and on,
Round and round the sun we spin.
A year since then,
A blur of numbness,
A mess of madness,
And unspeakable sins.
Your souvenirs are in the yard
Still rusting in the rain.
Still screaming at the stars,
Because I'm angry with your God,
So gracious and so kind,
He's blessed me with his scars.
Reruns of memories still haunting me,
And what-ifs fade into the cracks.
How to drive when I cant see
Because my world is drenched in black.
Still I remember
Still I rememver, your eyes
Still I remember
Still I remember, your eyes.
So bright,
So in love.
So alive.
A twisted sentence,
Streaming from my eyes,
I hope I write a million songs,
about how your smile affected mine.
The best part of me,
How am I supposed to say good by?
I swear I'll find you in my dreams,
every night.
I'll find you in my dreams every night.
So I can make a wish or two,
Still I'm not so sure what I'm wishing for.
But the heavens deliver a few,
I miss the sun on your skin,
And that black dress you were in,
But life goes on and on and on,
Round and round the sun we spin.
A year since then,
A blur of numbness,
A mess of madness,
And unspeakable sins.
And I cannot breath somehow,
Because my lungs can't take the pain.Your souvenirs are in the yard
Still rusting in the rain.
Still screaming at the stars,
Because I'm angry with your God,
So gracious and so kind,
He's blessed me with his scars.
Reruns of memories still haunting me,
And what-ifs fade into the cracks.
How to drive when I cant see
Because my world is drenched in black.
Still I remember
Still I rememver, your eyes
Still I remember
Still I remember, your eyes.
So bright,
So in love.
So alive.
A twisted sentence,
Streaming from my eyes,
I hope I write a million songs,
about how your smile affected mine.
The best part of me,
How am I supposed to say good by?
I swear I'll find you in my dreams,
every night.
I'll find you in my dreams every night.
Waiting by the Bayside
Mathematical equations,
Leave me chasing your words,
Over matrices and whisky,
I swear I'm out to steal your hurt.
Three words on the tip of my tongue,
Still quite whispers in my lungs,
My minds been lost all for you.
Sinking in my ark,
I'm drowning for two.
I'll wait for you.
I'll wait for you.
As the sun salts my heart,
And the sea burns my skin,
Fall upon my knees,
Cause my world is caving in.
Maybe now this old guitar,
Will learn how to play with me.
And somehow your attention will,
Find its way to me.
A future for two,
cut short by tides from the moon,
To have and to hold,
I'll never let go!
I'm building us a castle now.
I know I've lost you,
And now I'm floating away,
In her wedding dress,
She floats away....
She drifts away....
I'm beginning to drift away.
Leave me chasing your words,
Over matrices and whisky,
I swear I'm out to steal your hurt.
And I'm lost by the sea,
Still waiting by the bayside,
Waves crashing on and on.
This isn't me.
Still quite whispers in my lungs,
My minds been lost all for you.
Sinking in my ark,
I'm drowning for two.
I'll wait for you.
I'll wait for you.
As the sun salts my heart,
And the sea burns my skin,
Fall upon my knees,
Cause my world is caving in.
Maybe now this old guitar,
Will learn how to play with me.
And somehow your attention will,
Find its way to me.
A future for two,
cut short by tides from the moon,
To have and to hold,
I'll never let go!
I'm building us a castle now.
I know I've lost you,
And now I'm floating away,
In her wedding dress,
She floats away....
She drifts away....
I'm beginning to drift away.
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